Footsteps To Freedom

Releasing Her power

Sometimes you cannot tell your story. Sometimes you are so overwhelmed, you need someone to tell your truth! She said to me, “I cannot live this life anymore. I need to move on to my well-being and self-preservation. I need to release the power I silently gave up, will you help me?”

 I am at a point in my life where all I want is peace. I am simply tired of always feeling like I must defend myself, who I am, and why I am who I am. There were many years when I didn’t have a voice and when I did have a voice, it was stifled with a hit or ridicule. I moved on from that type of relationship, I worked on me, and I healed. Now because you are not healed, it does not give you permission to bring me down to your level.

I know for an unmerited fact where I made my mistake. When I thought that things were different, when I believed he still had my best interest at heart, but I know now, he was never that person and he played it well. I am not mad at him. I am mad at myself for giving him the benefit of the doubt.

We are all waiting for people to change, people don’t change when they are who they are. I genuinely believe that I am not a better person with him in my life. I am not the person looking back at me in the mirror. I grew from her, but him with his insults, with his demeaning comments, have me thinking did I really bury this woman?

I am no longer happy, and my peace is being disturbed. I no longer trust the person he says he is . I don’t like who he is, and I don’t believe anything that comes out of his mouth. I am tired of him walking around watching his grandiose stance and arrogant ways.

Some people walk around the universe like their shit doesn’t stink. They believe because they work, pay a few bills, and bring their ass home at night, they should get a pass to act and say whatever they want. But I will not reward any person for doing what they should do. I am not going to bow down! I am not going to demean and degrade myself for anyone.

Who is he to tell me that I don’t know what a good man is? How does he know that? How does he think he knows who  I am, where I’ve been, and what type of men I’ve known. Wasn’t he in a “committed” trauma bond for over 20 years, how in the hell does he know how I lived my life? How does he know how I was loved and who I was loved by? HE DOESN’T! but his ego is so big, that he can’t help it.

How about before people come to the table, they do they’re damn work! show some accountability and come to the table after working on yourself and stop thinking someone is supposed to accept your bullshit because you don’t think it’s bullshit. Be honest with yourself and realize your ass is broken and need some real mental health assistance.  Stop thinking you know EVERY DAMN THING WHEN YOU DON’T!

The insecurity is rampant, and the lies are bigger than he can handle. He is sloppy with his friends, and they are entertaining his BS. I can say this, they need to stop taking your money, stop allowing you to take them to lunch. If you want to tell people about me, make sure you tell them that part that made me the person I am towards you!

The truly sad part about all of this, is I don’t care about this situationship anymore. I don’t want to fight for it, compromise in it or even entertain it anymore. Because I am wise enough to know, nothing changes if nothing changes. And if you are not willing to change ANY PART OF YOUR LIFE, it is fair to say you don’t belong in my life. I am no longer losing; I am learning from everything that I’ve been put through.

At this moment, I am done with the bullshit! I am not going to live this cycle of my life like I am in the summer of my life. I am in the fall of my life and still entertaining stupid shit! Not anymore. I had to forgive myself because I must take accountability for the part I played in this situationship. I won’t call it marriage, or a relationship because I will never desecrate God’s union. I should have just moved on and let go. Sometimes when we think we are going to be ok if we accept some things, but we can’t accept some things because all the other BS will come with it.

I bid you ado, and I hope that you will find that perfect chick that’s willing to stroke your ego and stay your whore in the bedroom, and your doormat outside of it.