Footsteps To Freedom

Please help me, Father, to write this post today. Please give me the insight to write what is needed for deliverance and freedom. Take hold of this keyboard and write what You want others to hear! I am at Your mercy right now, Lord. I am angry, tired, and frustrated and want to shout to the top of my lungs, what do you want from me? How can you say what you need before someone honestly listens to you? Why are people too weak to look at themselves and say I am the problem! I have problems. I am convinced that people do not see where they are lacking. They cannot be seen as any less than perfect or near perfect. The problem with this is everybody has something that needs work in their lives, but those who can find no fault in them pose a problem for those who try to love them.

I hear a thousand times daily, “I am loyal, I am faithful, I work hard, I don’t cheat! Therefore, I should not be questioned about what I need and want in the relationship. Question? ISN’T THAT WHAT YOU SUPPOSED TO DO AS A PERSON, A HUMAN BEING!? Why does that require special treatment and a pass to act like an ass!? Oops, sorry, Lord.

Is asking someone to be faithful, loyal, and consistent is too much? Is it too much to ask to be a partner in income, shelter, and miscellaneous bills and needs around the home? Or is that all a part of the loyalty and faithful package?

If marriages are going to work, they must be compromised. It does not matter how many times you have been married or how many years you have been married; every marriage is different because every couple is different. You cannot make a cake with eggs used in a previous recipe. Those eggs are already broken in the batter.  Use Empathy if you want things to work out in a relationship or marriage. Empathy is one of the most loving attributes of a healthy marriage. Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. If you cannot emotionally understand what other people feel, see things from their point of view, and imagine yourself in their place, you may need to evaluate how perfect you are in your relationship. “Essentially, you have to put yourself in someone else’s position and feel what they are feeling.” Unfortunately, that does not happen.

People are selfish and self-centered. They can only think of their feelings and needs. Sometimes, nothing else matters to them but themselves. Listen to understand. Listening is the key to effective communication, and it requires one to comprehend the communication. When we listen for a response, we tell the other person we don’t care about what they are saying; we only care about being right.

As partners, we must help others become the best possible version of themselves. But it does not help if the other person is always right.

Sometimes, you must throw in the towel, which never feels good. It feels like a loss, a death, final. But is it better to be in a loveless relationship or marriage? Or do we fight to the bitter end, praying that we don’t hate one another at the end of the day?

My Pastor asked me a while ago if I was ever happy in my first marriage. I had to think about that question for a long time. I thought I was, but after much soul-searching, I realized it was not happiness but insecurity and fear of being alone again.

It is very dangerous for the psyche to stay somewhere with someone who can kill your spirit and make you second-guess who you are. If you were vibrant and alive before the union, you should be that way during the union. There is no reason for your light to go out or your spirit to dissipate. Anyone who makes you feel less than who you are is not someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.

It does not matter what people say at the altar. They change. Some changed for the worse, some changed for the better, and some did not need to change because they were already who they were. There is nothing more heartbreaking then seeing someone you used to love and adore become an enemy of your heart and your mental health. It is apparent that we are never going to change people, that is a power we do not possess. People have to be willing to be still long enough to listen and hear what is hurting the relationship. And we also need to be willing to know when to walk away from the relationship if it is no longer working.

If there is a glimmer of hope, grab it and ask God to help you. If there is no hope, give the person the space to move on.