Footsteps To Freedom

According to the National Institute on Health “Each family and each family member is uniquely affected by the individual using substances including but not limited to having unmet developmental needs, impaired attachment, economic hardship, legal problems, emotional distress, and sometimes violence being perpetrated against him or her. For children there is also an increased risk of developing an SUD themselves (Zimic & Jakic, 2012). Thus, treating only the individual with the active disease of addiction is limited in effectiveness”. 

Addiction is a family disease, and I don’t care how far removed you think you are from it; you are affected by it. Families are torn apart by addiction and some families, if you are blessed enough, will have given you support and a lifeline to call whenever the addict reaches out.

Over time though, it wears families out. They become agitated, angry, depressed, and isolated by the addict’s continuation to die slowly every day.  Even when loved ones give up, walk away, and disconnect from the trauma of addiction, it still affects them.

We want to support our family members who are struggling. And we give it our best effort to do so. But there will come a time when we must step back and allow things to unfold.

I want to tell you this. I believe that for an addict to recover and sustain longevity in their recovery, there must be a holistic approach. Physical, Mental, Spiritual and Medical aspects of the addict’s life must be addressed. It does not seem feasible for some of those aspects to be addressed without tapping into the rest of them.

Many recovering addicts will tell you they needed to find something higher than themselves, a higher calling to be able to recover and stay recovered. I heard this many times in my 12 years of practice.

I’ve also heard harrowing stories from families who are desperate for their family member to find peace and abstinence from drug addiction.

But for us to support our loved ones, we must first know what Addiction is: Partnerships to End Addiction, defines addiction:

The disease model of addiction:

“Addiction is defined as a disease by most medical associations, including the American Medical Association and the American Society of Addiction Medicine.

Like diabetes, cancer and heart disease, addiction is caused by a combination of factors.  These include behavioral, psychological, environmental, and biological factors. The genes passed on by parents may also play a key role. They can be responsible for about half of a person’s risk of developing a substance use disorder.

When untreated, it can often cause other physical and mental health issues. Over time, addiction can become more severe, disabling, and life-threatening.”

Whether you agree with this our not, it not the issue. The issue is to gain some understanding of addiction.

The addict or alcoholic has a favorite saying “I am not hurting anyone but myself”. It is unfortunate and it is a lie.

If anyone in your life is addicted to drugs or alcohol ever disappears, you understand how terrifying it is. Every 11 seconds someone overdoses from fentanyl. Sometimes the disease of alcoholism takes years for the alcoholic to succumb to their disease. Alcohol can and will destroy every single organ in your body if given enough time to do so. But at some point, in the addict’s life, the decision will be “Recover you must or Die you will”.

I want to tell you why I believe having a higher power, Jesus Christ, or whomever you choose to call it, in your life. Not only for the addict but for the family member as well. Prayer can and will change things for you and the addict.

Let me tell you why I say this:

Marcus is a friend who has been abusing drugs since he was fifteen years old. Most of his life has been tumultuous and dysfunctional. But this is not why Marcus used alcohol. He used alcohol to be with his friends. To fit it. To be like the older guys in the neighborhood.

By the time Marcus was in his early twenties, he was an alcoholic. Always in and out of trouble. Fighting and abusive. His father was not there and maybe for Marcus that was a good thing as his father was a fighting and abusive alcoholic as well.

Marcus was always respected and sometimes feared by his peers. Even the ones that started him on his journey, probably because he was fearless.

Over time, Marcus went to prison and did a long stint. That stint cost Marcus a lot, psychologically. He developed PTSD and some psychosis. Hearing voices and nightmares became a regularity.

As I met with Marcus over time, he could not stop drinking  for more than a year or so. And it was always according to Marcus, his fear of feeling weak by asking for help. He could not fathom believing in a Father in Heaven, when he had no relationship with his father on earth. So that piece of his recovery, never came to pass.

But to Marcus’ credit, he had a praying grandmother, mother, and sisters. He had a village of others who always cheered him on, good, bad or indifferent. If he picked up the phone drunk, sober, or depressed, someone would always answer and stay “you got this”.

But Marcus could never fully believe this. And one week, right after six months of sobriety, Marcus relapsed, and disappeared. He would not answer the phone and would not respond to any text messages.

For any family member who has an addict or alcoholic in their family, not hearing from them can be a nightmare.

Marcus family continued to call and received no answer. Until one last phone call.

Marcus’ sister, who loved him dearly and spent many restless and anxious nights worrying and praying for him, called his phone one last time. It rang, and a female answered. She stated she found the phone near a body that was laying in the bushes down the street from a FIREHOUSE. She further stated that she was going to run down the street and bang on the doors so that someone can help the man lying in the bushes. She told Marcus sister, the phone only had ONE PERCENT left on it and needed to hang up but was urged by Marcus’ sister, not to hang up. She ran to the fire station and got the help. His sister asked the young lady their location and drove there as fast as she could.

When she arrived at the scene, she took the phone and it cut off. One Percent!

One percent! Who could have found him lying in the bushes, obscured and not breathing? One percent! Why was this young lady walking down the street at that appointed time and saw him even though he was obscured from sight?

One percent! Passed out! DOWN THE STREET FROM A FIRE STATION! Only God can take credit for those series of events. And this is why I say, you must have a Jesus Christ, A Higher Power for whatever you want to call it in your life, if your life has an addict who is struggling with the disease.

“The disease is progressive, but so is recovery.” Seek help today. SAMSHA.gov, 988 or any treatment center in your local area. Recovery “Works, it you Work it!.