Footsteps To Freedom

I pondered over the weeks on what I would write about. I thought I would bring you statistics about the many women, men and children are victims of abuse. I thought I would tell you every 9 seconds someone is abused in their home by someone who supposed to love them or protect them. Then I thought I would tell you domestic violence affects one and five women in their lifetime. Then I thought I would tell you how the Honorable Judge G. Darrell Russell, in a single day, in a Baltimore County courtroom, se the progress of the this fight back 30 years. How he allowed an abuser to obtain a marriage certificate so he could marry his victim and then allowed her to invoke her marital rights not to testify against her husband.

If you are a victim now, you do not have to be the rest of your life. There is a concept about victims of abuse. Society calls us stupid or crazy. They say we do not know any better and we cannot under educated. We must have problems with ourselves if we stay in our abusive relationships.

But society does not know that we stay because of fear, finances, and/or religious beliefs. We stay because if we leave, the probability of dying goes up 50% because of the loss of control. And that is what abuse is about, control.

Abuse does not care about financial status, the color of your skins or your how many letters you have at the end of your name. Domestic violence can and will reach out and touch you.

I used to be a victim. It was not until later in my life that I discovered what I learned and taught as a child and a young woman molded me to be a victim. Now I do not blame anyone, it is just the way things were.

There are Four seasons to a woman’s life:

Ages 0-15- Spring is the first season of life, a time for new birth. At birth through childhood, our daughters appear like tender leaves. They rely on us for care, protection, and nurturing. But in the Spring of my young life, violence was often present. I watched it, I witnessed it, lived, and saw no consequence for it. Those seeds were planted. I became a victim because growing up a child in the Spring of my life when there was new birth, seedling was tender, plants are young and fragile plants, when seeds are planted. I relied on those who were caring for me to provide protection and nurturing for me to grow. Those were the time when my mind starts to emanate what we see or hear, and in the Spring of my life, all I saw was violence, abuse, and pain without consequences; that became the norm for me. Violence begets violence.

Ages 16-30- In the Summer of a woman’s life is when the plants are strong and hardy. They are usually in shape and substances what they will be for the rest of their lives. All the seeds that were planted in the Spring, shows forth, fully bloomed in the Summer. Those seeds that are planted are cultivated and all that we have seen will shape us to who we become. By the time I got to the Summer of my life I had encountered my first abusive relationship. I was fifteen years old, and my mother tried to tell me about this young man I got involved with. Those seeds were planted in my psyche in my childhood, harvested and bloomed and shaped me into a woman who accepted abuse with open arms because that is what is what I saw as a child. I watched family members beaten without consequences, so I thought this was the norm.

Ages 31-45- in the Fall of a woman’s life, it is harvest time, a time for resting but what is not productive will start to wither and that which is good will remain strong.

Ages 46-and beyond. The Winter is season is the most elusive seasons. Things appear to be dead and cold. It seems like useless time to grow. But many times, just beneath the surface things are waiting. Life is waiting to spring forth! Women who believe that their life is complete, and their life is over but NOT SO! If you just peek beneath the surface, you might be surprised at what you find.

Through therapy and prayer, I found forgiveness. I think about if anyone is suffering and slowing dying at the hands of another will find a safe place. I know it is hard to leave. I know it is scary or frightening and I know it is a chance you could lose your life at the hands of someone who profess to love you, but I leave you with this “The pain of staying is worse than the pain of leaving. Do not leave your abusive relationship feet first……