Footsteps To Freedom

Relationships need trust. Relationships need communication. Relationships need compromise. Relationships need a power higher than us to rely on. Relationships need laughter. Relationships need respect. Relationships need time. Patience, love, kindness and so much more. When these things are missing in a relationship, envy, jealousy, dis-trust, anger, insecurity can venture in. Relationships become toxic and unhealthy when crucial attributes are not involved.

When you leave a relationship that does not have these attributes, you must take time to reflect and work through why things ended. A lot of people make the mistake of moving forward onto another relationship without working through or reflecting on what happened in the last relationship and the baggage goes with them to the next relationship. And we wonder why things don’t work out.

I was facilitating a group one day and I kept hearing this young lady ranting and raving about how men are dogs and don’t know what they want and how much they are cheaters. I was curious why she was on such a rampage about this matter.  I asked her what makes men “dogs”. She looked at me strangely and said, “You don’t know”.  I said enlighten me. She began to explain to me and everyone in the room how her man always telling untruths and not returning phone calls. She further explained, “I mean he tells me he loves me, but he doesn’t show me he loves me. He cheats on me, and I take him back and he still cheats on me”. I watch the women in the room shaking their heads in disbelief. I explain to this young lady that not all men cheat or are dogs, it is just the men she has chosen because she does not know her own worth. I explain to her she may be operating in her pain when she settles for less than in her relationships and most boys are willing to accept her, but a man will teach her and show her, her worth if he cares enough to nurture her mind.

She is quiet. She ponders on my earlier revelation on what relationships need to grow.

It is hard to understand how real, nurturing relationships works, if you have never witnessed a true relationship. Sometimes you must hang out with wisdom and people who have weathered the storms of relationships and worked through the hard parts.

Relationships take work. Relationships take time. Healthy relationships start with knowing who you are first.