Footsteps To Freedom

Do not be afraid to move out of your comfort zone. Comfort zones makes us complacent. We miss so much when we stay stuck in a situation, marriage, job. Why are we so afraid to move on? Because it is familiar? Because we do not want to start over? Because the sex is good, the money is good? None of that matters if you are not happy with where you are in life.

I was listening to my client today; he has been using crack cocaine and fentanyl for months and months. We changed the treatment plan. He started support groups and even secured a job. But he continued to use illicit substances. Before today, his grandfather came to the office with him and said, “I am going to hold on to his money and credit cards. I am going to take his car keys and I will pick him up and take him to work. I could see the pain and frustration in my client’s face. I asked what his thoughts were about this plan his grandfather has. As the tears cascaded down his face and he looked at his grandfather and said just above a whisper “You cannot save me grandpa. It does not matter if you hold money and the keys, I am going to get high if I want to get high. You do not understand I do not want to do this; I must do this because I cannot stop the pain!

I could not tell his grandfather why his grandson was addicted to drugs. I could not comfort him by telling him he was doing the right thing. I just watched the interaction between the two of them. One in pain because he felt like a failure, and one because his pain was too great to deal with sober.

At one time or another, we have chosen to numb our pain instead of deal with it. We become workaholics, alcoholics, and food alcoholics. Nothing is going to stop our pain unless we deal with it. It was James Baldwin who said, “You cannot fix what you do not face.” That is so true. Hiding behind different vices does not help heal us. It only prolongs the inevitable. Pain does not stop because we want it to. Pain stops when we get to the root of our pain. Sometimes we must sit in it to understand it. Sometimes we have fight through it and sometimes we must pray our way through it. But we cannot just stay there, at some point we must face our pain to fix it.

I spent time that I cannot get back, running from pain and numbing it. I kept interrupting my pain when I got into another relationship because I thought a man was the answer to my healing. Only to find out, they were a major factor in my pain. But I liked being there because it was comfortable, I knew exactly what to expect because it was the same interaction I always got. You see, if you do not do the work, you will continue to repeat bad behaviors and making wrong choices. Women say all the time, all men are dogs, but no, all men are not dogs, just the ones we chose in our brokenness. That is why it is so important to do our work. We must come out of comfort zone and work on the things that are hindering us from living a healthy life. We cannot remain complacent.