Footsteps To Freedom

I am growing up too fast”. As I sat and listened to two gentlemen, barely eighteen, discuss life at home. “Man, my momma told me when I was about fifteen, “You have to help me with your little brother because I have to work another job, and I won’t get home until later. I know you want to hang out, but I can’t afford anybody to watch him”. “It hurt, not because I didn’t wanna do it, but because I don’t know how to help my momma without dropping out. If I do that, I gotta hustle, and I am not ready to die for real”. “So what you gonna do, man?” I don’t know yet; I gotta talk to somebody; this is hard for me. I’m stressing out, smoking, and drinking like an old ass man, trying to figure stuff out like I’m grown and ish, man, I ain’t even got no kids, and I’m stressing. I told Ma Dukes she does not gotta worry about me. I got clothes and shoes, and I’m good. My girl helps me out some, so I’m good. She only gotta buy for my brother”. It is not easy to be the man of the house when you are still a child. He shifted in his chair and rubbed his face with his hands. Just the memory of the conversation caused tears. It becomes a war within yourself, wondering who you are supposed to answer to or if you are supposed to answer to anyone, given you are the MAN of the house.

I continued to watch him from afar. “I think I will try to reach out to my father or auntie or something. I can’t drop out. I get out in June, and I can’t mess that up. My mom’s always said education and knowledge are power, and I need all the help I can get right now.” They both laughed and walked out of the building.

Parents have many reasons for telling their children that they are too immature and that they are the man of the house. “To whom much is given, much will be required (Luke 12:48). If you have heard that line of wisdom, you know it means we are held responsible for what we have. We are expected to benefit if we are blessed with talents, wealth, knowledge, time, and the like”. But when we are barely legal and told we are responsible, this can be traumatic. The aftermath of becoming an adult before we are ready can cause stress-related problems, alcohol or substance use due to the pressure. According to Psychcentral.com, “Firstly, it happens because parents attribute unfair responsibility and unrealistic standards onto their children.

Consequently, the child is expected, for example, to perform a task without anybody teaching them how to do it and is punished if they fail. Or they are expected to be perfect, and if they are naturally imperfect, they receive harsh negative consequences. Stress-related problems are not a one-time thing but a persistent atmosphere in which the child has no choice but to live.

And secondly, the child grows up too fast because of role reversal. Role reversal means that the caregiver assigns their role to the child; therefore, the child is seen as somebody who has to care for the caregiver and possibly others. The adult, in contrast, takes on the role of the child. The child internalizes this role, and it becomes their self-understanding. So, they start to act as a mature, responsible adult while the actual adult is taken care of as though they were the child.”

We parents must be careful, make wise decisions for our children while they are young, break cycles, be honest, and stay encouraged that we are doing our best. If we are not doing the best we can, seek help and guidance.