Footsteps To Freedom

I fought a good fight! I stood in the ring of life, put my guard up, and stood flat-footed and determined to win and go home with the championship belt! I was going to raise that belt in the air in victory and show my opponent that I am the better fighter, I am the better opponent, and I will get the bragging rights until someone else comes along and tries to take my crown.

Lights, camera, action! Let’s go! Then I woke up! Yes, that is how I wanted things to go. I was the better opponent in my mind, in my world. On the surface, I was winning, but inside, it was turmoil. I was fighting a losing battle with myself and with my mindset. I wanted to win; I thought I was winning, but behind the scenes, I was standing alone, and my only opponent was me! I was fighting myself; I was fighting with myself.

Have you ever done that? Have you ever fought to stay somewhere when you knew you needed to leave? Have you ever compromised your sanity or peace of mind and cannot explain why you are doing it?

I fought a good fight on the outside. I graduated college, earned a degree, had children, got married, and brought a home. On the outside, I looked good! But on the inside, I was fighting fear, fear of slipping back into depression, doubt that I could stay focused. I suffered from anxiety and migraines. I dealt with haters, liars, and betrayers that hurt me deeply just because of the anointing I had in my life. I dealt with men who professed to love me but, in the end, only gaslighted me and made me second-guess ever falling in love again.

I watched a video the other day and the gentleman said people change in four seasons:

1. When they are hurt enough, they have to
2.  When they see enough they are inspired to
3. When they learn enough they want to
4. When they receive enough they are able to.

You saw a strong, funny, intelligent woman who was confident and sure of herself. All you saw was who I became AFTER I underwent those four seasons of change. I was hurt enough by so many people and circumstances in my life that I had no choice but to change. I saw enough in myself that I was inspired to change. I learned enough about myself that I could forgive myself and wanted to change. And finally, I received enough knowledge from wise men and women, and I was able to change.

But all those changes were done behind the scenes. Behind the scenes, there are no interruptions. I fought the good fight until my God grabbed my hands gently, spoke to me, and said, Daughter, there is no need to fight anymore. Who you are is what I purposed you to be.

I fought a good fight but only won because I was not fighting alone.

Be encouraged. We are all fighting some unforeseen battles that only we know about. We all have some secret fears. We all have been hurt and betrayed, but those hurts will force us to change.

Behind the scenes, I stood behind the veil and allowed myself to be vulnerable and transparent. I cried out and told the absolute truth about my fears and uncertainties. I asked for directions and clarity to live a life where I saw enough, was inspired, and learned enough that I wanted to and received enough where I could change.

Work on your four seasons of change; let those things catapult you into being authentic and genuine to yourself.

Now, I stand in the ring of life, being my true authentic self. I will continue to live a life where I don’t have to retreat behind the scenes. How about you?