Footsteps To Freedom

We are all imperfect people that make mistakes in our lives. Some of our imperfections are rooted in just being human; other imperfections come from ACEs (Adverse Childhood Events) and mental health problems. We are all flawed and wear our own set of scars that make us unique and human. However, once we know the imperfections that hinder our health and other’s lives and well-being, we must seek help. We should not continue our lousy behavior when those behaviors are pointed out or even if we recognize them ourselves.

It can be hard to own our imperfections. We tend to say, “Well, this is who I am; accept me or not!” or we are unaware of our imperfections and continue our destructive behaviors. Not all imperfections are nasty or even hostile; some imperfections may only be imperfections to others and not us.

It is the imperfections that hinder our well-being, our mental state, and our health that need attention. We stay with people who are hindering our growth or affecting our mental because of the imperfections in their lives. We can help those people by rationalizing their behaviors. We make excuses for their behavior. We are not mind readers, and we don’t like to label people’s behaviors, but being in a relationship with people, you know them, sometimes better than they know themselves.

Imperfections cause so many unnecessary arguments simply because people will not admit if they need help. Just because what you did before or in another relationship worked does not mean it will work in this relationship. We defend lousy behavior instead of being open to suggestions from those we love and care about.

If we are the problem, we must be responsible enough to seek help or work on things hindering our relationships or growth. I spend most of my day making suggestions and offering feedback to others. I consider those outside influences, mental health, and unresolved issues. When I have conversations with those who are important to me, I consider those same things. The difficulty comes when there is no compromise. You will lose when you are unwilling to accept that your behavior can be catastrophic.

Be mindful that growth and change are necessary. Every day, we are evolving, and therefore, we must be able to move forward without pushback. Just because it worked in the past does not mean it will work now. Things change, people change, situations change, and we must learn to move and change. Significantly, it will benefit us and our relationship in the long run.

I remember sitting in a marriage counseling session, and the question was, if you were married before, how was that marriage? I had to sit on that question for a minute. My fiancé could answer within seconds, but I had to sit in that question. I had to be honest enough to look back at the marriage and ensure I was not making excuses for behaviors, imperfections, or outright disrespect. I had to ask myself if I would be embarrassed if it were answered or if I would feel like a failure or victorious by answering the question. I had to take a hard look at myself and ask what part I played in the demise of my former marriage. All those questions were going on in my mind while my Pastor awaited an answer.

I was able to say, can I get back to you on that question? I needed to make sure that my answer was truthful. My fiancé looked perplexed and slightly disappointed that I did not answer immediately. I explained that in my thinking, I had to weigh all areas of my former marriage before I could give an answer that was not coated with just my opinion but the truth. I did not want to rationalize his behavior or mine. I didn’t want to make excuses. And therefore, that question was shelved until the next session.

Over the next few weeks, I was able to answer honestly, and it felt good to be able to understand the dynamic of the dissolution of my marriage. I learned from the imperfections and behaviors. I was able to admit the part I played in the dissolution. In doing this, I learned so much about myself and worked on my imperfections. I am still able to focus on what needs work. I took responsibility for my errors.

My flaws are my flaws. My imperfections are mine to bear. My scars show the many battles I have fought, won, and lost. My responsibility is to continue to work on myself and be the best version of myself that I can be, not only for me but for those who care about me.

When we are honest about ourselves and what work needs to be done, we are much better people who can live peacefully. Life is short! Take care of your imperfections that can hinder you. Be mindful that you are evolving daily. In doing so, helps us to be better versions of ourselves.