Footsteps To Freedom

Have you ever been a relationship that started out when you were insecure and did not
know who you were? We sometimes get in relationships because we are lonely but not
ready. We get into relationships because we are surveying the outer person but not the
inner person. Meaning the look is what we want in a partner but we don’t really know
the inner man/woman. Most of us have been there. Sometimes we get into relationships
when we are broken and haven’t healed from our past or made peace with our past. We
continue in those relationships, mostly, out of fear of being alone. We are so broken at
times; we don’t realize the relationship is a rebound. We started because we needed to
feel needed again after a break up or a loss or betrayal. So we stay. We stay and we
become someone we don’t recognize anymore.
We don’t want to move on because we are simply tired of breaking off relationships or
thinking we need to give the other person more time to “get them together”. Or we think
we can fix what is broken in them. None of this is true but when we are not ready for a
real relationship, we find ourselves in this chaos. We find ways to work around the
chaos. We start by talking to the person, telling them what we need from them, why we
aren’t happy anymore, how we can fix things to make the relationship better, but it falls
on deaf ears. Because they don’t see anything wrong with the relationship and whatever
is wrong with the relationship, well, it must be you! We continue to explain our feelings
but nothing changes. We may fall into a depression. We may become angry and distant.
We start to realize that we are merely existing and not living. We find ourselves in a one-
sided relationship. The other person is getting everything they want and you are dying
slowing and disappearing in the relationship.
In this time, when you are feeling alone, start to do your work. Start to make peace with
your past. Start to believe that all you have been through was not for this moment but
for a moment that will catapult you into your purpose because surely you did not go
through what you went through to keep it to yourself! You start to understand there is
purpose for your pain. Seek guidance and learn. Soon you will see that the person you
started out with, it is not the person you will end up with. You start to see them for who
they really are. And know they are not the person for you. What you thought was your
lifetime, was only your season. What you thought was your other half, was only the
person who would allow you to break free to be who you are purposed to be. What you
thought you were in love with, was simply someone you loved.
Realize, if you can, some people like you better when you are broken. It makes them feel
superior, better than you. It makes them believe that you really need them to breathe,
live, grow, love, laugh. It gives them a sense of security that their façade of insecurity,
jealousy won’t be exposed.

I was listening to a motivational speaker earlier; “When a woman has the power to walk
away, from a man she loves, but he does not love her the right way, she allows the space
that is necessary for her heart to heal. More importantly, when a woman can walk away
from a man and say, I’m done, I’m out of here; you then give that man the space he
needs to gain clarity, because sometimes access breeds blindness. We are blind to what
we have access to. It’s liken to being in New York City in front of the Empire State
Building, you are right at the front door but you can’t see it because you have direct
access, but the further you are away from it, the more it comes into view.” Don’t allow
your brokenness to be filled with someone else thoughts of you. Don’t let your
brokenness define you. Become whole again! It can happen. Take time and be alone and
learn and unlearn some things. Give yourself the opportunity to be loved the right way.
Don’t keep settling for any type of companionship because you don’t know who you are.
Don’t keep giving access to people who don’t respect your thoughts or desires or your
needs.
When they stop listening to you and only hear their own definition of a relationship, it’s
time to walk away. It’s time move on.