Footsteps To Freedom

Too many people in relationships say “She changed, he changed and that may be so. However, ask yourself what caused that person to change. Change doesn’t happen overnight. Change is a process that takes time and effort to do. And chipping away at someone’s self-esteem takes time and effort as well. But many people do it. People just don’t make drastic changes unless something happened in the midst.

Relationships take work. It is give and take and compromise but that formula only works when both parties are willing to work. Many relationships look good on the outside but it’s the heart that matters.

Staying in a relationship that is damaged won’t get fixed unless both parties are willing to admit there is something wrong. And it is ok to say, I am not willing to fix this.

Stop covering the mirror and take the mask off and own the part you played in the failed relationship. Once you start to be honest about your part, forgive yourself, ask for forgiveness and move on.  Moving on grants you the opportunity to be free to choose the life you want for yourself instead of trying to fit someone who is not ready for what you want.

We must remember that couples grow apart. It is supposed to be “happily ever after, till death do us part, but unfortunately, it does not always turn out that way. Marriage is important and it is beautiful when you marry your person. The person that fits you like a glove. But marriages do not always work out and that is ok.

Marriage is not a ceremony. Marriage is not a reception or a beautiful dress and diamond ring. Marriage is commitment and respect. Marriage is understanding. Marriage is a contract. When the contract is breached, or the respect becomes disrespectful it may be time to re-negotiate that contract. But that cannot happen if honesty or forgiveness is not on the table.

Are we honest enough to say to ourselves what errors we made in our relationships? Are we willing to stop pointing fingers and look at ourselves? If we are not ready to do this, we must stop blaming others. We must examine ourselves first.  I saw this quote from lyanla Vanzant on #blissfulthoughts “The journey into self-love and self-acceptance must begin with self-examination until you take the journey of self-reflection it is almost impossible to grow or learn in life.” The journey may be a little scary but our truth will come through once we take the journey.