Footsteps To Freedom

The most powerful thing about conversations with substance, is you find out that you are not alone in some of your plights. We often believe we are the only people going through something but when you have a conversation, you find you are not alone at all! It is sobering and reliving at the same time to know you are going through something, but not alone. I had a conversation with a woman the other day. The conversation started out about self-care and being mentally and medically healthy. And then she started talking about making tough decisions. Her eyes welled up and she worked to stop the tears from falling. She paused, swallowed, and said, “I must make some decisions about my marriage, I do not think I want to be married to my husband anymore. I mean I love him, but I do not like him very much. He is a Narcissist and every day; he sucks the life out of me with his sense of entitlement and overbearing ways.” She paused again and spoke. “I hate that I am married to a person who never sees his wrongs and always find fault in me!” I am a beautiful woman, a good mother, and a good wife. I have some flaws, of course, and I am trying to work on them every day, but it has been taxing and I am becoming someone that I hate! Who spends their entire life belittling other people and breaking them down day after day after day?”  She stood up and shook her head back and forth as if to shake something around in her head. She said, “I never said this aloud, but I am mentally and emotionally abused by my husband and for years I could not put my finger on it and why he treated me the way he does. He never hit me, or even raised his hand at me, but sometimes, I wish he would. At least the bruises would heal. What he has done to my psyche, is going to take years to heal.”

She thanked me for listening and walked out. I sat there for a minute to process what she said. And she is one hundred percent right. Living with a narcissist is mental and emotional abuse. Their inflated ego, sense of entitlement, thinking they are superior to others are all classic signs. The lack of empathy and need for attention can push a person to the edge. Trying to understand them (narcissist) is pointless because there is nothing you can do to change their behavior. Because they do not feel there is anything wrong with the way they are. It is always the other person. Even when they start the argument, they somehow turn it around to make it all your fault. Living with or being married to a narcissist is exhausting and at some point, a firm decision must be made.

We must come to a place in our lives where we are the most important person is our lives. We must stop feeling guilty for being selfish and wanting the best for ourselves. We keep putting others before us, hoping they will change or hoping if we are there and holding them down, it makes us better people. It does not. We continue to lose ourselves for the sake of others. We continue to be the “go to person” for others and in the end, we when we are, angry, older, and empty because we have given our all, while others have taken everything from us.

No one knows the time nor the hour that our Lord will come and call us home. We live this life like we are going to be here forever, and we are not. We have to life our best life NOW! Not later when we have more money, more time, more this, more that, NOW!

If you are not happy or content where you are, LEAVE! If you are always second guessing yourself or looking in the mirror and do not like what is looking back at you, CHANGE IT! You do not have to stay in a marriage or relationship that is toxic, unloving, or toxic. You have the God given right to have a peaceful existence.

A simple conversation will show you that you are not alone in your plight. Others are feeling the same way you are. Others are second-guessing life decisions they made. Others diving deeper in their own relationships and re-evaluating their decisions. A simple conversation can push you to do what you know deep down, what you need to do….

We will never change people. People can only change themselves. We can offer our suggestions, but it is up to them to make the change. Unfortunately, no matter how many times you try and compromise and try and make things work, it never will, NEVER! If the person is not willing to change.

Move on, get out, and live the life God intended for you.