Footsteps To Freedom

I was listening to a show the other day and one of the comments was “It is unfortunate that we look to our parents for healing without realizing they are broken and need healing. WOW! I said to myself, WOW! This is so profound and so true. We keep thinking our parents are supposed to love us unconditionally and they do, but it does not show up like that if they are broken. Broken people do not realize they are broken because it is the norm for them to be this way. To seek validation all our lives from people who are supposed to love us and care about us is a task and not to receive it, is heartbreaking.

Over the years I have watched people I care about jump through hoops and spend thousands of dollars trying to hear “I love you, thank you, you are enough!” It does not happen. This leaves them shattered and empty. It does not matter if you are prominent, have a full life and living your best life, that validation from our parents continue to burden us and drag us down.

We must understand broken people have their own demons to conquer and their own pain to resolve. There is no room for anyone else.

Does not seem fair, does it? But our parents were raised in an era much different than ours. We were not there when the first crack in the armor surfaced. Unless they were transparent, we do not know the pain our parents endured. They may have grown up in a time when things were acceptable. Now, none of these things excuse their behavior but we can understand. Right?

Maybe not. We are hurt by their behaviors. But we must attempt to walk a mile in their shoes and understand what journey they may have taken.

Cordofthreecounseling.org explains brokenness as “a messy life full of imperfection. It may mean being heartbroken from a past relationship. It may mean emotional scarring from the deep wounds of the past. Sometimes, brokenness makes us a victim; for others, it motivates us to be strong.”

I believe all of this, but what I would take from this quote is brokenness “motivates us to be strong.” It does not matter about others, what matters is what we do with our brokenness.

The women in my life were all strong women. They survived domestic violence, alcoholism, joblessness, and single parenting. But they were broken. It took time to understand this and before they could admit it, they lived in their brokenness and operated in their own pain for years.

Once we do our work and fix the characteristics of brokenness in a person: No confidence, sensitive, avoidance, need constant reassurance, they are the blame for everything, fishing for compliments, mood swings, and they do not say what they feel. Herway.net. All these things show characteristics of brokenness but there are things we can do to help us to become whole again.

The five things that can help a broken person is to talk about what happened, listen to their feelings, and validate them, help them find a way forward and offer practical help if they need it, and given them times and space to process what has happened and be there for them when they need it. Herway.net

We do not have to look to others for validation or healing, we must look inside ourselves. God says in 1 Corinthians 4:8 “You already have all you need. You already have more access to God than you can manage.”