Footsteps To Freedom

I miss authentic people. People that say what they mean and mean what they say. Those people are becoming fewer and far between. Authenticity is a gift that continues to give if you use it in the right definition but, in the world of keeping it real, there are more fake people than authentic. I often wonder why people say that term “I am just keeping it real, I am keeping it 100% when they have no concept of What real is. Why does this happen?
“Authenticity inspires loyalty and engagement where integrity, ethics and morals are not questioned. We tend to be drawn to authentic people because they exude trustworthiness and confidence. When you are being your whole true self, you inspire others to feel safe to share more of themselves.”

Why is it hard to be authentic? “When it comes to being authentic the bottom line is that we are scared. We do not want to deal with what we imagine to be the consequences of authenticity. People’s judgements or reactions, our own fears and doubts, failure, or rejection and more, so we just shut up and try to fit in”.

But why do we have to fit in? Why do we have to be like status quo? What is wrong with us that we cannot be ourselves, instead of trying to fit in to someone else’ perception? Authenticity bears its own fingerprint. It means you can be you; I can be me and the world will not fly of its axis if we are different. That what makes things in this world so beautiful, our differences.

Authenticity is especially important in our relationships. Unfortunately, people are in relationships that are not genuine or authentic. Because of love-bombing. “Love bombing is an attempt to influence a person by demonstrations of attention and affection. It is diverse ways and for either positive or negative purposes. Psychologists have identified love bombing as a part of a cycle of abuse and have warned against.” There are many signs of love-bombing we should recognize them so not to go through unnecessary hurt and pain.

The problem with recognizing these signs, is if we are insecure or unsure of our worth, we will not see it. Here are some signs of love-bombing: They give you excessive compliments-insecure men and women may not recognize this as love-bombing if they need compliments to feel validated. They want to spend time we you non-stop. This may not be recognized as a problem-insecure men and women see this as “cute and sweet.” They go overboard with excessive gifts. A sign that may be misunderstood the constant because some people, have never been given any thing nice or they were the one giving all the time. They introduce you to important people early on. They mold themselves to be who they think you want. They say “I love you” amazingly fast. They guilt trip you for having boundaries.

We would hope when people tell us they love us and want to have a relationship with us, they are authentic, but it may simply be love-bombing.

No one deserves to be abused or manipulated to be in a relationship. Spend time getting to know people before moving in or having intimate relationships with them. It is good to date people. It allows you to get to know that person, recognize patterns and see the red flags if they are waving.

“Love-bombing has an especially powerful effect on children of narcissistic parents, because they have already been subconsciously programmed to seek approval, engage in people-pleasing habits and look for external validation as a way to survive their psychologically turbulent childhoods.”

If you have come from this type of childhood, it is likely you may fall victim to love-bombing and your relationship will not be authentic. We must be careful who we share our hearts with. We must make sure and take time to get to know people. We do not know what spend months and years in a relationship that will leave us damaged and an emotional wreck, when we finally realize it is not working. We want to be able to walk away from a relationship having learned somethings to make us better people.
Be aware of your own vulnerabilities. Spend time alone after a breakup. Regroup, reflect, and refresh your mind body and soul before you venture into another relationship. Be clear about what you want, what you do not want and set boundaries. And most importantly, know that you do not have to be validated by a man or a woman. You are good, standing alone in your own truth.