Footsteps To Freedom

The word “love” used so freely and frequently that it lost its true meaning. The word love shows up 365 times in the Bible. (Depending on what Bible you are reading). The biblical meaning for love is Love is patient, love is kind, love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way. It is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. When we marry and engage in a relationship, we would hope that love is everything we hoped for. But sometimes love is not enough. You see, love takes time and patience. Love is not forced.

In toxic or unhealthy relationships, love is skeptical. The word is used but the action behind it does not match the energy it takes to form a positive bond like love. Just because we can say we love someone does not mean we do. Or we can say we love someone but not be in love with that person. We think we love someone, but it could be just lust. At any rate, when we use the word so loosely, we find ourselves in situations and relationships that are unfulfilling. Falling in love is dangerous when other motives are in place.

“There is a great danger in falling in love; the primary concern being the possibility that you will be hurt in the end. Falling in love easily and quickly and often called “emophilla” This tendency can lead people to miss the critical red flags, so they may be prone to entering unhealthy relationships.” It is not wrong to love or even fall in love, but we must be careful with our hearts and protect them at all costs. We want those we fall in love with to take care of our heart, but it does not always happen.

Loving others more than they love us, can be devastating and love and kindness is taken for granted. Or worse, used against us. Sometimes the people we love do not love us and we are just convenient for the time. They tell us all the things we want to hear and even shower us with gifts and trinkets to show “love” but that does not mean it is genuine.

We cannot allow people to value us based on the gifts and trinkets they give to us. We will not be de-valued by things. Love should not be a pawn in a relationship, love should be true.

I listen to young girls speaking of the wonderful things their boyfriends gave them. Jewelry, getting their hair and nails done, even buying them cars and trips to exotic places but they admit they are sure if the person loves them. They question their value in the relationship. They question if they are good enough to be “wife” instead of girlfriend. They question why they are good enough to have babies with but not good enough to walk down the aisle. They question, it is really love.

What if we cannot give them what they want? What if we cannot be who they want us to be? What if we cannot be submissive and allow controlling behavior.? We cannot allow people to reduce us to what we cannot do. We still have value. Even if we do not have a car, home or a degree, our value is based on our character! We cannot let anyone assassinate our character because they are insecure about their own worth.

Love should not be based on things. It should be based on truth, patience, and kindness, not rudeness, irritability, or arrogance. To be able to discern real and true love, we must first learn to love ourselves. If we do not love ourselves, it does not matter who you hook up with. It will not last, and if it does, it will not be healthy.

Therefore, it is important to love ourselves. Do not attempt to find love in someone else. You will be disappointed. When we are learning to love ourselves, we must be patient with ourselves and learn to love the not so lovable parts about us. We must be uncomfortable enough to want to change things within us. And we must stop being so hard on ourselves and get a clear understanding that how we feel about ourselves were told to us. We did not know how to show people how to treat us in the beginning. We did what we saw and thought it was the right way to do things. We never knew that love is not a slap in the face. We did not know that love was not betrayal or abandonment. If we are raised in that type of environment those things were normal for us. Although it looked like crazy to everyone else, it was normal for us. And we moved through life misreading and misunderstanding the true meaning of love.

And now that we know better, we can do better. Now that we understand the true meaning of love, we can move through the rest of our lives in love. And not the assumption of what we think love is.