Footsteps To Freedom

No is a sentence. It does not require an explanation of any sort. No is a powerful word that carries strength that some people don’t acknowledge. No means “not in any degree, not at all, not ever. Though it is a short word with only two letters, People do not seem to understand how powerful the word no can be. But we still do not use it often enough. Sometimes it is used, and instant regret arises. We must learn how to say no, with no remorse, afterthought, or guilt. It frees us from staying in turmoil.

We all want people to like us. We think in saying yes, all the time allows people to like us. But when people continue to ask you do things, ask for favors always need something from you without giving anything in return are people maybe we do not want to like.

I remember I was around twenty years old. I was pregnant with my second child, and I was struggling to take care of us. I was doing ok; I had a small income, but I was always looking for ways to supplement my income. But the one thing I did not want to make money doing was babysitting. I had one child and one on the way, the last thing I wanted was to watch children. But my mother convinced me to watch my sister’s son so she could study for her dissertation. I was yelling NO! but I didn’t say a word. I let my sister bring her son over. I should have said no. She did not return for 3 days. I was livid! I wanted to punch her in the face. I wanted to literally fight her. But none of this would have come about if I would have just said No.

The inability to say no could come from being a people pleaser. A people pleaser is someone who avoids conflict, negative emotions, and trauma. They go out of their way to “mirror someone’s opinion and appease them in order to de-escalate situations or potential issues.” Therefore, we use the word NO.

“You can say that people pleasers are sort of emotional chameleons, trying to blend in, in order to feel safe”. And they hide behind the word no. If you do what the ask, they will like you. But it is all a façade. It is not real.

It is important to work on ourselves in all areas of our lives. It may sound trivial when talking about saying no. But this word helps us to stand up for ourselves. The word helps us understand who is in our corner or who is simply using us. When we do the work and learn how to say no, use it as a sentence and be unapologetic about it, we are ready to move on to the next phase. Remember the saying “What part of no, did you not understand? The N or the O?” Get familiar with that. When you get familiar with that, you will start to be free.