Footsteps To Freedom

 “I never been the type that deal with emotions. You have a lot of emotional people out here.” I kept reading this sentence over again to try to understand it. I thought emotions were a part of who we are and how we are wired. Does it matter if we are emotionless? Aren’t emotions how we deal with matters or situations we find personally significant? At least according to American Psychological Associations, this is how emotion is defined. What happens if we no longer feel or react to situations? “When you lose the ability to feel or express any emotions, this is called flat affect. “If you feel numb only to positive emotions but are still able to feel negative emotions this is called anhedonia. Anhedonia is a common symptom of depression and shows up in a lot of mental illnesses like anxiety, depression, and PTSD.” It works like a protective shield for our trauma.

But is that healthy? To be emotionless, unfeeling? I do not think so. I think having emotions helps us to work through things and situations in our lives. For instance, sadness. When my loved ones died, sadness engulfed me. But I needed to process my sadness. When I got a good report from the doctor. I felt happy! Feeling happy made me feel grateful. When I walked on eggshells every day worrying and wondering if this would be the night my abuser killed me, I felt fear. But that fear helped me to get out of that situation. The fear of dying in vain. Anger! Being angry pushed me to stand up for myself and change the things I would not accept! All those emotions! And this person “never been the type to deal with a lot of emotions.”  That is sad. The inability to be bothered with emotion reminds me of someone with a narcissistic personality. They have little regard for those around them and never asking about others’ feelings or thoughts. This is accurate. Because narcissists are only emotional if they believe they are going to benefit from it.

Isn’t it unhealthy to be devoid of appreciation, joy, excitement, satisfaction, or relief? These are emotions. The inability to feel and express ourselves feels like being in bondage. We are unable to move forward or backwards. We cannot say what we mean and mean what we say because our thoughts hold no emotion.

Through my healing process, emotions were my best friend. I had a pleather of emotions. Angry, mad, scared, and empty. All those emotions helped me get through the dark days and nights. Those emotions also showed me I could not just sit in my healing. I had work to do! I had to get moving and do not fall victim to “flat affect or anhedonia symptoms.” Crying out to God, leaning on my friends, feeling the love from those who cared for me. Emotions!

I am sure whatever this person meant by that statement was not what he truly meant. Or at least I hope not.