Footsteps To Freedom

The window dressing may be beautiful, but it is what is inside of the “House” that matters. We must look on the inside of ourselves and do the required and necessary repairs. If we do not the “house” will fall.

Who told you, you were not enough? Who told you, you were damaged goods? Who told you, you are a   B*(^Ca#! Who told you, you have “welcome” writer across your forehead for people to walk all over you? WHO TOLD YOU!?

Sometimes we hear the negative so much, it starts to sound like truth. Sometimes our lives are so challenging and chaotic, what looks like crazy starts to look normal. Who told you, you are nothing? Well do not listen, IT’S A LIE! When will these abusers understand that you “cannot fix yourself by breaking someone else”?

 I often wonder why men do not get mental health assessments and treatment? I can see if we were back in the day when we did not know any better, but EVERYBODY KNOWS that mental health is important. Why do you want to walk around mean, nasty, emotionally, and mentally abusive towards the person you say you love? Why do you think it is okay to try and gaslight the one you love; making her believe she is not hearing what she is hearing. I think one of the weakest things a man can do, besides hit woman, is not get help for their mental health.

Being in prison and having ACEs and engaging in illicit use of alcohol and drugs is a prime reason to get help and unfortunately, most men have been susceptible to this type of trauma. In my work I hear horror stories about men scars from abuse and rejected; shot or shot at. They trust me enough to be transparent about their trauma. It hurts my heart to see them try to stay strong while they are crumbling inside. I work hard at being compassionate and empathetic. These attributes are important in my field of study. I want them to be transparent because if you do not face it, you cannot fix it!

I listened today; “my boss fired me today, he said. All because I did not have my mask on. I was not trying to be smart, I just forgot to pull it up over my mouth. And I would have fixed it, but he started yelling and screaming at me like I was a child! You cannot talk to me like that! I throw hands when people talk to me like that!” I watched and listened while he talked tough, but the tears were threatening to fall. He was hurting. He went on to say that he always blows up like this and he hates it. “When my girl left me, I wanted to punch something, somebody, hell even her! She did not have to leave me like that, I did not do anything!” It was in that moment I realized where his real pain was coming from, Loss. Loss of a relationship and income. He was embarrassed. And when I asked him was I correct, he shook his head up and down, and the tears followed. I commended him for his honesty and asked him if I could suggest a therapist for him. But he is not ready, yet. Before he left my office, he thanked me for listening to him and not judging. “I get judged a lot it’s nice to be heard every once in a while.”

 That six foot three, two-hundred-pound man was nothing more than a little boy, hurting without a voice. His anger can and will consume him and he may lose his freedom or his life if he does not get to the root of it.

This six foot three, two-hundred pound man was also convicted for intimate partner abuse and domestic violence.